Epiphany

Do you ever have days where you stop and think about your life? Like really think about it? Today has been one of those days for me. Today I called my mom, dad, brother, sister, Emily, Jake and Maelee just to say hi, let them know I was thinking about them and to see how they were doing. And you know what? It felt so GOOD. It really did. Today, I just felt like I needed to stop and see how people around me who I love are doing. To let them know someone was thinking of them. Someone was caring about them at that moment in time. All day I just felt love. I felt like I had a lot of love to give and needed to give.

I made a resolution with myself that this year I was going to try my best to be happy, think positively and strengthen relationships I really care about. Today I really felt that. Like I really did that. And I felt so happy from doing it. It really does make life better when you stop focusing on yourself and give to others. Give your time, love, attention and thoughts.

It also helped me to realize how blessed I am. We are all going through life and we all have trials. Ups and downs, lows and highs. Sometimes our lows seem so bad and horrible that we can't imagine how it's going to be okay. And some highs are so high you hope that those feelings can last forever. That everyday could be that good. But of course we know it won't and life isn't like that. But that's the beauty of it. This life is so unpredictable. I used to be afraid of that. The unknown can be so scary but it can also be so exciting.

While talking to Maelee, I heard some beautiful thoughts. My cousin Nick and his wife Maelee just recently lost their new baby girl. Maelee had silent labor and delivered her baby at 27 weeks. Little Rylee Rose passed away only 36 hours after being born. Maelee told me all about it today and shared something I won't ever forget. She told me she had 2 choices. To have faith, hope and trust God or not. The second option didn't help anyone, didn't bring any joy, relief, comfort, or peace. So really, there is only one thing you can do and that is the first option. Because ultimately we can't make it through this life without Him. How we keep going, how we get through the days where we are mad at God and don't understand, is by falling on our knees, giving our burdens, sorrows and struggles to Him and trust that He will take care of the rest. That's a tall order but God is a God who is all powerful, all knowing and His love for us is something we can't comprehend. And He willingly wants to take away that pain. All we need to do is ask.

It's like I had known all this stuff my whole life but never really understood it until I heard it from someone who lost so much and who is hurting. To me, she is a modern day Job. She has been through so much and yet is so faithful. She is such a beautiful soul. I guess you could say I had an epiphany. It kind of clicked again for me. I've been through some hard times and I know more will come but today it seemed like I could handle anything because I DON'T have to handle everything. I'm not alone in this. And more importantly I have be forgiven for the stuff that happens that I can't take back.

Today was a good day. I feel so at peace with myself and my life. I don't know what will happen but I know it will all be okay. I know I won't always see it like this when I'm in the thick of it and life is really hard. There will seem to be no hope when you're in the depth of it but it's time like now where I will want to remind myself of how I feel now and the hope and love I feel now. Because that's what we have to look back on to help us when those times come. I am blessed. God is there. He is always there.