Grateful

Yesterday I had this overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I have realized, for the most part, I haven't had to face anything too difficult. Of course Fred and I have had periods in our marriage where it wasn't great and was very very hard and much as those times were so unbelievably hard, I am grateful for them because of what I've learned and how we've grown together even more.

Fred has a great job. He makes great money. We don't struggle. He's honest, faithful and loves me. I have 3 healthy boys who are smart, funny and kind. I've never experienced infertility, never had a miscarriage, and have had relativity good pregnancies with great healing from each c-section. 

I live in a gorgeous place. Yes, it's expensive but it is beautiful. I have nice friends who care about me and would help me in a pinch if I needed them. My best friend is amazing and even though we live far apart, she loves me as much as I love her and we have a bond nothing can destroy. 

My family is very dysfunctional and don't live near by but despite everything I know they love me. My parents aren't always easy but they would do anything for me and my family and love me so much. They miss me, think about me, worry about me and would do so much for me if I lived close. I know that and just knowing that means so much. 

I know God loves me, despite my challenges and is so patient and kind. I feel so undeserving at times of my blessings and of His love but I know He always will be there for me. He loves me more than I know and can understand and I get so much joy from that. I am not a perfect Mormon and struggle with things but I know God and Christ bless me despite of my shortcomings. 

I have so much to be thankful for. I know my life could have gone in a very different direction with some of my past choices and I'm so thankful it has all gone the way it has. I'm so grateful Fred is the father of my children. He's a fabulous dad. That is such a tender mercy in my life. And one of my biggest blessings. I'm grateful I've been able to put bad choices and experiences past me and move on from them. I have let so many things go and when I did I have felt nothing but freedom. I'm working on some things still but am slowly finding my voice, speaking my mind, my truth and who I am.

God is good. My life is good. And I am humbled I am so blessed. I feel very undeserving.